Yesterday marked the first annual McKenna Fest, a celebration of our favorite little tool Mckenna. And what a day it was! The server’s finest banded together to fill a middle aged man’s in game mail box with assorted turtle based goods and cryptic words such as the chemical properties of glass and ‘hot pockets!’
For those of you who don’t know or don’t play warcraft (well aren’t you fancy, having a life and knowing the warmth of a woman) Mckenna is a human Mage famous for attacking you once or twice while with a group and then running away like an alter boy in a particularly frisky church setting. He’ll do anything to get away from a fight he started.
Once the fight is through and the trail of piss leading to his frightened body has dried he will send you messages in game about how superior he is and how you can’t beat him. He has short term memory issues apparently. When he does come on to talk shit there is but one response: I like turtles. It drives him crazy. It’s like telling a child with turrets that there is no santa clause or like telling a jew that there is no holocaust. Holoclause? Anyway, it’s awesome.
To honor this shell of a man, McKenna Fest was born. He annoyed us with his antics, now it’s our turn.
This is a three part event. There’s the Running of the Deez, the Sending of the Meat, and the Raping of the Land. The idea is to send Mckenna turtle meat or other turtle related items in game, thus flooding his mailbox with a stream of mail that must be addressed. There are some simple guidelines to be followed to ensure proper meat insertion.
- Only use turtle meat, with other turtle based items as a supplement.
- All meat insertion is done from a newly formed alliance character which is to be deleted after the mail is sent.
- Text must be added to the mail, otherwise a mail program could easily breeze through the mess. Text could include ASCII art of turtles, tooltip text for attacks Mckenna should be using but doesn’t, the chemical properties of things, etc. Be creative!
- Items must be attached to messages one at a time. If you have 20 items, you’re sending 20 messages.
The Running of the Deez
The event starts with a friendly game of cat and mouse. And by friendly I mean fucking creepy. There was Deez, a balding dwarf and me, a glistening naked black man. Magnificence in human form. For 20 minutes I chased his un-willing hole from Stormwind to Ironforge. “I will fuck that dwarf!’ the only thought running through my mind.
Next year it doesn’t have to be anywhere near this weird, but there will be a chase. We will all get naked and run him down, making the streets of Stormwind as moist with desire as our dirty bodies. Or you guys can all prepare for the event responsibly while I do creepy things with Deez. Whatever floats your boat.
The Sending of the Meat
Once I got what I wanted out of that tiny, now worn out ass, it was time to pound some meat in Mckenna’s mail hole. Over 500 turtle meat was collected for the event along with 40 turtle bisques, 50+ giant turtle tongues, and a selection of other turtle named items. All together we must have sent around 800+ items. The game takes an hour to send mail to someone, we had an hour to do the dirty and get deleted. I personally had the added bonus of CT’s female Night Elf dancing for me the whole time. The man has a problem.
The Raping of the Land
After we forced the meat in there we get on our mains to attack Theramore in the hopes ol Mckenna will be fucked up on Hot Pockets and Red Bull, making him too strung out to ignore us. The idea is to have him arrive and start fighting right as he gets the mail. Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. He didn’t come out. I guess no one cares about Theramore anymore. Or he was busy with his mail who knows. Next year we’ll have to attack a better city.
Join us next year on February 4th for McKenna Fest 2013. There will be more meat and we will get banned for sure this time! None of this polite warning bullshit.
2 Responses to McKenna Fest 2012
What is this “warning” bullshit!? I spent an hour plugging meat into his box!
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